We Do - Entrepreneurs' and Our Spouses

Any entrepreneur — at least if they are being honest — who has reached a significant level of success will tell you it takes the support and cooperation of many others. My personal success for over three decades of business-building has been made possible by one truly unique and talented individual — my wife, Jane.

Not unlike the spouses of most entrepreneurs, Jane did not enter into our marriage 42 years ago thinking she would be strapped into the front seat of the roller coaster we call entrepreneurship. And yet, not only has she provided the love, support, insights, and wisdom I have needed to succeed, she became a very successful entrepreneur in her own right.

These days, as I support other, younger entrepreneurs as their executive coach, I observe that their spouse’s ability to understand and support their efforts often makes the difference between success and failure. With this in mind, allow me to share some significant learnings Jane and I have discovered in the hope it will help you and your spouse succeed at the two great adventures we call marriage and entrepreneurship:

Focus on preparation The U.S. Navy Seals have an expression that says: “Slow is smooth, and smooth is fast.” When we rush through life, we pass by many opportunities for learning and growth. The natural outcome is that we become frustrated with others and emotionally exhausted. Neither of these conditions makes us good leaders or enjoyable marriage partners.

Here again, working with our spouse to become intentional about slowing down in critical areas is vital to our intimacy and health. Regular date nights, vacations, consistent time at the dinner table, and simply saying “no” to business opportunities when they overburden our family relationships are all great steps. Slowing down and becoming smooth will take practice — but it is so worth it.

Don’t buy the lie Since we were toddlers, our parents, teachers, coaches, and friends have taught us to become independent. And because this belief system has become so ingrained in our culture, asking for help, seeking wisdom from others, or simply admitting we don’t understand is often regarded as some kind of weakness.

But as the saying goes, “the only stupid question is the one you did not ask.” To reach our potential as marriage partners and entrepreneurs, we must fully embrace the notion of interdependence. Our success in both areas will be greatly accelerated when we leverage the wisdom and experience of others.

Engage a coach or mentor Since interdependence is so critical to our growth and success, it is important that we understand who to seek out for the particular needs we have.

The executive coaching process does two things: creates awareness of issues and situations and, out of that awareness, provides possible action steps to address them. Business owners appreciate how executive coaching opens up choices and opportunities they were not even considering. A talented executive coach can also support and encourage healthy life-balance and marriage relationships.

And mentors are often people who are a little older than us and have a desire to help us understand the opportunities and challenges that lie ahead. Many have had valuable mentors of their own in the past and wish to “pay forward” the helpful insights they received.

Collaborate with fellow strugglers It is unimaginable a typical entrepreneur or spouse can go very far through life without enduring some serious disappointment. As business owners, we are limited in who we can share our fears and frustrations with. As a marriage partner, the same applies. So, while we may have a coach or mentor to talk to in a one-on-one setting, where do we find other couples or other business owners who can help make sense of it all? Welcome to “peer mentoring.” Here is how it works:

Marriage small groups: Almost every church and many neighborhoods offer small groups where couples can meet on a regular basis with others who are experiencing the same kinds of life circumstances. Newlyweds, new parents, empty nesters, special needs kids are just some of the specialty groups that are available. Again, not seeking relationships with other like-minded couples is a decision to become isolated over time. When we discover that pretty much everyone is going through the same situations we are, life gets better.

Business peer mentoring groups: Organizations like Entrepreneurs’ Organization, The Alternative Board, Vistage, and C-12 are examples of groups that meet monthly and offer their members valuable opportunities to share best practices and build vital relationships.

A final word: Finding the right tools for balancing our business and marital success takes time and persistence, but the rewards far outweigh the effort. My prayer is that you will do the work, find the success, and experience the joy that Jane and I have.

Tony Ford is CEO of Success Fort Worth. He writes this column for each issue of Fort Worth Inc. Contact: [email protected]